Set Me Free
by mrsgunsage
Summary: … but it all comes back to that night two months ago. He has never and will never look at me like he looked at her that night.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer. I make no money from my ramblings. /PSA

**Alice ~ D-Day**

Tonight was the night; I'd been planning and working toward this moment for a little over six weeks. I was waiting on my husband to come home from yet another brutal twenty hour shift at the hospital so I could present him with dissolution papers. From the outside looking in I would seem to be the most selfish, heartless bitch to ever walk this planet, but tonight was me finally being selfless when it came to this man. He'll argue, he'll tell me he doesn't want me to go… but it all comes back to that night two months ago. He has never and will never look at me like he looked at her that night.

I should hate her, but I can't. She has never given him any encouragement or even so much as a sideways glance. She loves our son beyond all measure. If I had to pick a step-mother for my child, I would pick her. She is a good person. I think we could be friends if we tried.

I should hate him, but I can't. He has never and would never be unfaithful to me. He has and would continue to throw away his own happiness for me. I can't let him do it anymore. He was, is, and hopefully always will be my best friend.

I finally had to admit to myself that while I loved him, but I was never in love with him. I liked our life together and I would have continued on like this… if I hadn't seen the unguarded look in his eyes that night. I picked up my wine glass and thought back on the night my world changed.

"_Fuck, Ali… I am never going to another hospital benefit again. Quote me on it this time, OK?"_

"_You say that every year, Ed, and every year, your mom puts on the puppy eyes and you fold like cheap laundry."_

"_I know. I suck and I'm a huge mama's boy. Go ahead and laugh; __—you know you're dying to. I can't believe it's almost four4 __. Should we even bother waking Bella?"_

"_If she's asleep, don't wake her. If she's still awake, I'll tell her to crash on the couch. I don't want her driving this late."_

"_I'm not pulling into the garage. The damn door is still making that awful racket and I don't want to wake Jeremy, OK?"_

_We silently entered through the kitchen door. Bella had obviously lost her battle with exhaustion early tonight, because she and Jeremy were passed out on my living room floor in the midst of what appeared to be an epic Lego battle. We never came in to a mess or people sleeping on the floor when Bella was in charge, so I knew they must have been playing really hard tonight. I smiled softly seeing them curled up together like kittens. _

_I whispered to my husband, "Ed, I'm gonna put Jeremy into bed. Can you grab some blankets for Bella?"_

_I was coming back down the hallway toward the living room, when some instinct told me to stop and not make my presence known. I peeked around the hallway corner to see my husband lift our sleeping sitter into his arms and take her over to the couch. He covered her with a quilt and smoothed her tangled hair back, brushing his thumb gently across her cheek. She smiled in her sleep and turned her head into his touch for a second before snuggling down into the cushions. For one brief moment when he turned around, I clearly saw the longing on his face before he shook his head and mechanically started cleaning up the legosLego mess._

_I leaned back against the wall and felt a painful thump in my chest. I had known this man literally my entire life and for the last six years, I had been his wife. He had never looked at me as if I were the oxygen his lungs craved. I naively believed I could live with that when we decided to get married, but the pain told me I had been dreadfully wrong. _

That was when the idea of letting him go took root in my brain. It hurt knowing I would never be enough for him, but I never deluded myself into thinking we'd married for love. I thought it had grown between us over the years, and to a small degree it had, but it wasn't what anybody could term a fairy tale romance.

I spoke to Edward's mother a few days later. She loved me like her own child, and she felt no need to pull her punches with me.

"_Ali, darling you know I love you to bits, but it's surprising to me it's taken you six years to realize you two aren't meant to be together like this."_

"_I'm so confused, Esme! I do love him, and I know he loves me… __but there never were any grand declarations or consuming passions between us. I thought what we had was solid because it was built on a good friendship, mutual respect, and a desire to do right by Jeremy."_

"_If you remember, Carlisle and I tried to talk Edward into holding off on marriage. Your parents tried the same. We understood that you guys felt it was the right thing to do when you got pregnant, but you weren't even dating each other, sweetheart. You were both so young and so sure you could force yourselves to fall in love. I am just incredibly thankful you haven't destroyed your friendship along the way."_

"_I hear the BUT in that."_

"_But… if either of you ever did truly fall in love you might come to resent each other. Neither of you have it in you to carry on an illicit affair, thankfully. Neither of you would want to hurt the other by admitting feelings for someone else. Both of you would feel guilty for having those other feelings. It would build up eventually, Ali."_

"_I need to let him go, Esme. I can't get that look out of my mind, and it's killing me that loyalty to me is preventing him from really being happy."_

"_He won't let you leave for him, Ali. You know that."_

"_I'm not going to tell him until everything is arranged. I'll find a place close to the house, get all of the paperwork in order, and just lay it all out. We're both rational adults and we're still good friends. We can make this work."_

_Concern radiated from Esme's warm green eyes, but she smiled at me._

"_You are a good person, Mary Alice Cullen. You will always be my daughter, and I hope you find a special man who looks at you like you're his entire universe. You deserve that just as much as Edward does, dear."_

I started getting things in order the very next day. Luck smiled on me, because the couple who lived three houses down suddenly found themselves needing to move as quickly as they could. Alec Moretti's elderly parents were in need of full time care, and his wife Gianna was more than happy to provide it. He was able to arrange for a transfer from Seattle to Atlanta… but he needed to be completely moved into his new position within a month.

I tapped into my trust fund to put down a substantial chunk of the purchase price, which made it easier for me to arrange for a mortgage. Alec was willing to fast track the closing as much as possible and the bank was very cooperative since their risk was minimal due to my large down payment. I was glad that I hadn't become a stay- at- home mother after I graduated, because I wasn't going to take anything from Ed in the dissolution. I knew of the arguments to come that would likely end up being one of the bigger ones since he felt he should be supporting me, but between my trust fund and my position at an architectural design firm I wouldn't be hurting financially.

I closed on the house twenty-five days after Alec accepted my final offer, and began the task of furnishing it. Most of the furnishings we had were things Esme picked when Ed bought the house, and I didn't mind leaving it all. I started taking my personal items in small increments, hoping he wouldn't notice my shrinking wardrobe or dwindling book collection. Jeremy's room at my new home was almost identical to his room in Ed's house, and since I was so close we shouldn't have any issues working out visits and such.

Three days before I was planning to tell Ed I was moving out, I was called into a meeting at work and offered a Junior Partner position. It would require some travel, spending two weeks out of each month at our Portland office, but I couldn't turn it down. I delayed my move another week so that I could settle into my new office and get my first short trip to Portland out of the way before upending everything else in my life.

Since Ed was working these appalling doubles while I was going to be away, we sent Jeremy to spend a few days with Esme and Carlisle. I explained to Esme that I wouldn't be picking him up until the day after I got back into town as I was planning to give Ed the papers that night.

Which brought me back full circle. He would be here any minute and I was going to be strong, no matter what. He deserved to be crazy in love with his wife, and over the course of all of this madness I'd realized Esme was right. I deserved better, too. I wanted a man who couldn't live without me, and Ed would never be that man.

I was refilling my wine when I heard his key in the lock. I reached for another glass, knowing he would need one after such a long shift.

"Hey, Ed… can you come in here?"

I heard his footsteps coming through the kitchen, and my nerves tightened. I knew this was going to hurt both of us initially, and the thought of causing him pain distressed me.

I felt him behind me just before he leaned over to kiss me on top of my head. That was how he always kissed me, and I felt the familiar twinge at the lack of physical affection between us. The only time he ever kissed my lips were the infrequent occasions we were intimate. It steeled my resolve and I tried to smile as I handed him his wine.

"Ed, I have something I need to tell you. You aren't going to like hearing it, but I want to get it all out, OK?"

His face scrunched up with concern, but he nodded. I took a deep breath and reminded myself of every reason why this needed to be done now instead of waiting for one of us to become bitter and resentful.

"I'm leaving." I held up my hand to forestall his outburst and he settled back into the couch after quickly draining his wine.

"I have to, Ed. You're not in love with me, you never have been. I'm not in love with you, either. We love each other a great deal… as friends. That's not how it should be between spouses, and we both deserve better."

"Where exactly do you think you're going to go?"

"Alec and Gianna had to move to Atlanta, I closed on their house about four days before I got the promotion. If that hadn't happened we would have had this conversation over a week ago."

The anger I had been expecting showed up with that disclosure.

"YOU BOUGHT A FUCKING HOUSE? What the fuck, Ali? You've seriously been planning on leaving me for that long? What about Jeremy? This is going to destroy him! What about us? We've been through too much together to just let it all go like this!"

"Ed, Jeremy will be fine. There doesn't have to be a nasty fight between us over this. I already have the paperwork all drawn up. All we have to do is sign it and submit a custody arrangement that is acceptable to both of us to the lawyer. We don't even have to go in front of a judge. My house is literally three doors down, so custody won't be an issue. I want us to remain friends, Ed. This is the best way to make sure that happens."

"Yes, we will have to go in front of a judge! Child support, alimony, distribution of marital property… were you even thinking about all of that when you cooked up this cockamamie idea of yours, Mary Alice!"

I felt my own ire starting to creep up on me, "Don't you 'Mary Alice' me, Edward Anthony! I don't want anything from you! I don't need your money, so don't you ever say the word alimony in my presence again! And distribution of WHAT marital property? YOU bought this house and your parents bought the furniture. I already bought new furniture and stuff for MY house. The only things I'm taking out of here are clothes, personal effects, and the few knick knacks I have that were my grandma's."

I handed him the small velvet box that contained my wedding rings, and his face crumbled.

"Please… don't do this, Ali. I can do better, I swear I can. And I do love you!"

"I love you, too. But I'm not in love with you. I'm not willing to live the rest of my life wondering how it feels to be madly in love. I'm not willing to be the woman you only turn to when the physical itch gets to you. I'm not willing to feel like I have to beg my husband for sex if I'm in the mood. We never should have married in the first place, Ed; you know it as well as I do. If you love me at all… let me go."

"I can't change your mind?"

I slowly shook my head, "No. I'll be completely moved out by the time I need to get Jeremy from your mom's tomorrow. I'll keep him until you finish up the doubles, and then he can stay here while I do my week in Portland."

His jaw tightened and he glared at me. "So I'm already reduced to only seeing my son 2 weeks a month?"

"No, Ed." I rolled my eyes, trying not to lose my cool in the face of his dramatics. "You can come over and see him every day if you want. I told you, I want us to still be friends. It'll take a little time to get back to how we were before we got married, but I know we can do it."

**Rebuilding ~ 6 months later**

I noticed Ed's car wasn't in his driveway on my way past, which meant Bella was still at my house with Jeremy. I decided to invite her to stay for dinner if she didn't have plans. She and I became pretty close after my split from Ed, and I was in desperate need of some girl talk.

I realized she might be in need of girl talk too, because even though she was laughing with Jeremy her eyes were tight and glassy looking. I really hoped her former sisters-in-law weren't giving her grief again.

"Hey, girl! I have a bottle of wine that has our names on it. Hang out tonight and I'll make pasta?"

She and Jeremy both looked up at the sound of my voice and identical grins covered their faces. Bella agreed to stay and offered to get Jeremy bathed and into his jammies while I threw some quick chicken alfredo together. Bless Sandra Lee for her awesome recipes! I had become a total devotee of Semi-Homemade Cooking since my hours picked up after my promotion.

Bella and a freshly scrubbed Jeremy came back into the kitchen and started on the salad while I was finishing the pasta and taking the bread out of the oven. The doorbell rang just as I was starting to fix Jeremy's plate and Bella went for the door. She came back followed by Ed.

"Hey, Ali. I got out early and figured I'd come see you guys. I can come back after dinner though."

"Nope, grab yourself a plate. Are you still off tomorrow? I have errands to run and you can take Jeremy back with you after dinner if you don't have to work."

Fortunately for all of us, Ed's wounded manly pride rebounded about 3 months after we split up. We had an easy back and forth with Jeremy's sleeping arrangements and while there was still an occasional awkward moment between us, we were picking our friendship back up slowly.

Jeremy chattered to Ed about everything he'd done over the past two days while Bella and I made small talk about some of my projects. It didn't escape my notice that Ed kept shooting sideways glances at Bella whenever he thought she wasn't looking and I wondered for the sixty-eleven-billionth time why he didn't just man up and ask her out. Not like I was one to talk in that department, but still!

Ed offered to clean up after we finished dinner so that I could pack Jeremy an overnight bag. My son tagged after me down the hallway, still chattering a mile a minute. He was telling me all of the plans he was making for his "guys day" with his dad, which included the park and watching baseball on TV. He definitely had my energy level, even though almost everything else about him was a miniature copy of his father.

There wasn't a whole lot to pack since he had pretty much everything he needed at both houses, but his favorite Mickey shirt was here and he insisted he NEEDED it for tomorrow, and his Boo Kitty was on his bed. Once we had those items secured in his backpack we headed back out to the living room. He gave me a big hug and a smacking kiss on the cheek before pouncing on Bella to give her hugs and kisses.

He ran over and grabbed Ed by the hand, tugging him insistently toward the door. Ed laughed and threw our son over his shoulder so he wouldn't get his hand yanked off.

"I'll talk to you later, Ali. Let me know if you're gonna be later than five-5ish so I can call my mom to come stay with him 'til you get home, OK?"

I nodded and he turned to smile at Bella. It was the smile that turned most women into stuttering idiots in his presence. "You're still available next weekend while Ali's out of town, right Bella? I'll call you when my schedule firms up, OK?"

Normally when he smiled at her like that she blushed and smiled back at him. This time she simply nodded, and I noticed she was trying not to look directly into his eyes. This was a new occurrence, and it didn't escape Ed's notice either. He seemed deflated as he bid us both good night and turned to leave.

I rounded on Bella after the door closed, "What the Hell was that?"

"I don't like it that he flirts with me whenever you're around, Ali. It seems pretty disrespectful to hit on a woman with his ex-wife standing right there…"

"OK, you know that long and complicated story I promised to tell you eventually? Tonight is the night. Wine and gossip… in that order! Red, white, or blush?"

"Oh! Do you have any of that Principato Rosato? I've been craving a glass."

I grabbed the wine and corkscrew while Bella grabbed us glasses. We got situated on my couch and slowly drank in silence. It was a small ritual for us on our Girl's Nights. The first glass of wine was time to let go of the stress of the day.

After a few minutes we were both ready to chat and I decided to start at the beginning with my story.

"Ed and I have known each other our entire lives. Our parents are neighbors and best friends. We were always close, but there was never anything romantic between us. Honestly, I never looked at him as more than a brother. We both went to U-Dub and while we branched out and made other friends, we stayed really close to each other, too. We went to a party at the beginning of junior year, he'd just turned 21 over the summer and I was 20. We both got really, really hammered. We woke up in bed together, which wouldn't have been a first after a party because he always looked out for me… but we were naked, which was absolutely a first."

Bella refilled our glasses, "So you weren't _together_ together, you just got trashed and ended up sleeping together."

"Exactly. Neither of us reacted well when we woke up, and we were going to pretend it never happened. We were both virgins, and we decided at least our first time was with somebody we knew we could trust. A month later, I found out I was pregnant with Jeremy. We decided to get married, and while we weren't in love with each other, we were fond of each other and we did our best. About 2 months before we separated, I decided I wasn't willing to stay in a passionless marriage and we split up. We both deserved more than we could give each other."

"Passionless? I don't get that vibe from either of you."

"Not from us as individuals, but you try screwing the guy you grew up thinking of as a brother. We rarely had sex, and even on the infrequent occasions we did it wasn't earth shattering. There was almost no physical affection between us, beyond the occasional kiss on the top of my head. You were actually the catalyst for me deciding to leave, Bells."

I saw the shocked, horrified look on her face and rushed to reassure her.

"NO! Not like that! I know you never had so much as a stray thought about him… let alone doing anything inappropriate! But… I know he thought about you. A lot. That night we were at the hospital benefit, I saw the look on his face when he picked you up to put you on the couch. He never looked at me with that much longing. I saw it on his face almost daily after that, especially if he knew you were staying with Jeremy. I realized I couldn't be happy with what we had between us. I want a guy who looks at me like I'm his everything. Ed deserves that too. He's a good man, Bella. I wouldn't be upset if he ever asked you out… just so you know that."

She drained her wine and walked over to rest her forehead against the window. I saw the reflection of her face and she looked like she was about to shatter.

"What's going on, chicky? I saw you were looking upset when I came in this evening…"

"Rachael called me this afternoon. I don't think I'll ever be free of her, but Rebecca seems to have given up. So, Rachael wanted to remind me that it's been two years since my father "murdered" her father and brother. She also said that since she is pregnant with the only surviving male in the Black family, I should give her the rest of her brother's life insurance policy."

From previous conversations, I knew that Bella and her late husband Jake had been named executors of her father in law's estate simply because they lived close enough to handle his affairs quickly if need be. Bella was also executor and sole beneficiary of her husband's and father's estates.

Unfortunately, her sisters-in-law felt entitled to the amount Bella had used to care for Billy in his final days and for his funeral on top of the money they received from the sale of his house. Billy was the only one to not die on impact in the wreck that tore Bella's life apart. He'd lingered in a coma for almost three weeks before succumbing to his injuries. The money from his life insurance was barely enough to cover his hospitalization and his final expenses.

"She actually said the word murdered to you? That BITCH! How does she not acknowledge that you lost your father as well as your husband and father-in-law in that ACCIDENT? Wait… how was it your dad's fault? I thought you said Jake was driving…"

"Jake was driving, but the twins blame my father because it was his idea for the three of them to go to Canada instead of staying near home for their fishing trip."

I hugged her as tight as I could. "They are stupid, vindictive cows. You know you did nothing wrong. There was nothing left from Billy's estate after his hospital bills were settled, and they are not entitled to anything your dad or Jake left to you. Change your number and forget they even exist!"

I felt the sob shudder through her and decided to change the subject after giving her a few moments to calm herself.

"OK, enough about the Bitch Twins! I have news, which is actually the initial reason I asked you to stay tonight!"

"Do tell."

I paused for dramatic effect, "I met somebody!"

It took a moment, but her smile finally overcame the pained expression on her face and we both squealed while I bounced up and down a few times.

"I need dish, Ali! Is he hot?"

"Beyond hot! Let me paint you a word picture; a little taller than Ed, collar-length wavy blond hair, ocean blue eyes, and a dreamy Southern accent."

"You have my approval so far! Is he nice?"

"He is an absolute gentleman. He holds doors, chairs, and jackets with aplomb. Every female is Miss or Ma'am, and he checks in with his mother every few days."

"So he's respectful, too. Has he asked you out yet?"

"We've had lunch together a few times, but that was business related. I think he'll ask me soon though! He's started kissing my hand when he walks me out to my car, and when we walk anywhere together he puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me. I've never seen him touch any other female, and from some of the comments I'm hearing from the jealous kitty-cats in the office, nobody else has seen him pay attention to a woman either."

I saw the mischief on Bella's face, "Wait a minute… he's insanely cute, respectful of women but doesn't flirt, and he's an interior designer? Are you sure he's straight?"

I smacked her arm playfully as I got up to grab another bottle of wine.

"He's an architect, and I did catch him staring at my ass the other day. Although, I do have to admit I'm not entirely sure what desire looks like on a man's face anymore… it's been that long since a man really wanted me."

"Were his eyes darker and more intense looking?"

"God yes! I felt like I needed new panties just because of the way he looked at me."

"If he doesn't ask you soon, you should ask him. He might be shy, or afraid it's too soon after your divorce, Ali."

"I would have said yes to him the day after everything was finalized!"

**Choices ~ 2 months later**

I came out of the conference room with an annoyed huff and headed back to my office determined to finish up my drawings. I was working on a project I had to have well in hand before my next trip to Portland, and Heidi somehow instinctively knew when a meeting would really put me behind.

When I rounded the corner, I saw Jasper leaning against the wall opposite my office door. His head was tipped back and his eyes were closed, but the peaceful smile he normally wore was absent.

"Jasper? Are you OK?"

His eyes were intense, which was a look I was becoming familiar with since we'd gone on a few dates recently, but his jaw was tight and his shoulders were hunched slightly. He took my arm at the elbow and propelled me farther down the hallway to his own office. I wasn't used to Jasper being this forceful, and I was a little concerned.

He stepped to the side and motioned for me to enter his office. I decided to take the chair in front of his desk rather than sitting on his sofa. I wasn't sure exactly what he wanted, but I was slightly afraid of what he might say. He didn't take a seat, preferring to pace around behind his desk.

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Did Heidi offer you the Senior Partner position in the San Francisco office?"

"Yes. I just met with her but…"

He held up a hand, and I was frightened to see a faint mist of tears building in his eyes. It made the blue of his irises almost luminescent.

"Jasper…"

He came around his desk to take my hand and fell to his knees next to the chair I was sitting in.

"Ali, please don't take it! This is probably the most selfish thing I will ever ask of you, but please stay here! I can't lose you, and I can't go to San Francisco right now. If mama's health was better I would pack her up and follow you, but I can't!"

"Jazz, I already told Heidi…"

"Tell her you can't go! God, Ali, please don't leave me… I love you! I've been tryin' to let you lead things between us because I didn't know how badly your divorce affected you, but I can't let you leave without knowin' how much I love you."

I placed my fingers on his lips to stop his tirade. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, which were threatening to split open because of the size of my smile.

"Jane is taking the San Francisco office. I told Heidi I needed to stay here. I couldn't take my son away from his father, and I couldn't leave you! I love you, too."

His eyes widened and fixed on my own. Whatever he was looking for must have been there, because he laughed and scooped me out of the chair to sit in his lap on his office floor. We probably looked ridiculous, the both of us crying, laughing like loons and sprawled on each other… but I couldn't have cared less.

We started to calm after a moment and he lifted me by the waist to readjust me so that I straddled his thighs. One of his hands splayed low on my back, while one came up to cup my cheek gently. His lips caught mine in a desperate kiss, and I knew I had finally found the kind of love I'd always wanted.

**Jasper ~ 15 months later**

"Jeebus, Ed! Seriously, can you please just let my family think you guys are cousins? It's freakin' 'em out that her ex-husband is my best man."

I thought it should have gone without saying, but that jackass was getting some kind of vicarious thrill out of shocking my very proper, very Southern family by correcting their assumptions about Ali having the same last name as him. I thought my poor old Auntie Kate was about to have the vapors for sure when Ed cheerfully introduced himself as Alice's ex-husband.

"Dude, nobody has keeled over yet, and by now the "scandalous" news has made the rounds. Wait until they find out that Ali's Maid of Honor is the reason she left me in the first place!"

I smacked him across the back of his head, "Fucker, if I didn't love Ali, Jeremy, and Bella so much I would kick your ass right about now!"

"Chill, Jazz. I'm not intentionally trying to shock your relatives, I figured they already knew. After I almost killed your aunt, Bella told me to let people think whatever made them happy."

He walked onto the dance floor and I thought he was heading for Bella until he stopped and whispered into Ali's ear. She smiled at him and took the hand he offered her while Bella smiled at them and headed toward me with Jeremy in tow.

"Hey Jazz."

"Hey Bells. What are those two up to now?"

She smirked at me and sat Jeremy down at the table while she grabbed him a small plate from the buffet to munch on. "No good, as usual. Come dance with me while the munchkin eats."

I led her slightly away from the table, but we were able to keep Jeremy in sight. Taking one of her small hands in mine, I bowed deeply and played up my accent for her. "May I have this dance, Ma'am?"

She laughed freely as she curtsied and put on her overblown Scarlett O'Hara voice for me, "Why thank you, kind sir!"

When we quit laughing I asked her the million dollar question. Well, it was the million dollar question as far as Ed was concerned.

"When're you gettin' married, woman?"

She rolled her eyes, "Did Edward put you up to that?"

Yes. Yes, he did, actually… but I wasn't allowed to tell her that.

"Nope, but inquirin' minds want to know! You finally agreed to marry him, but you still haven't set a date yet. I think he's afraid you'll change your mind."

"I keep hoping he'll give up on the whole big ceremony thing and agree to just take me to Vegas one weekend."

I laughed at her, and she pouted. "Do you really think my wife will let you get away with a quickie Vegas weddin'? She already has the whole thing planned; I wouldn't be surprised if that's what she and Ed are talkin' about right now."

We glanced over to see Ali laughing up at Ed while he grinned down at her. I saw the looks some of my family members were giving them and knew I'd better go over there before somebody made an untoward remark to them.

I kissed Bella's cheek and headed over to collect my wife. I still smiled like a loon whenever I thought or said the word, never thinking I would be able to apply it to the gorgeous woman who was still laughing with my unlikely best friend.

When I first moved to the Seattle office she was in the end stages of her marriage to Ed, and I doubt she even knew I was there. I remembered the day I had to step into her office to ask an opinion on a project we were both assigned to. She had a family picture on her desk, but it was rather cold and formal looking. I also noticed she had tons of pictures of herself and her son and a few of her husband and her son, but none of the two of them together.

Not even a month later, the gossip made the rounds at the office that her husband left as soon as she'd been promoted to Junior Partner because he wanted her to quit working and stay home. Thinking back on that picture, I was pretty sure her promotion hadn't had anything to do with the divorce.

After my melodramatic confession in my office when I thought she was leaving, Ali finally introduced me to her son and her ex. It was awkward for me at first that they were still such good friends. I had no clue how their relationship worked and I spent quite a few weeks literally quivering with jealousy at the casual way Ali would hug Ed and invite him to have supper with us when he'd stop in to pick up Jeremy.

After finally having the chance to meet Bella and seeing the way Ed reacted around her, I realized there wasn't anything romantic between him and Ali. He was absolutely despondent for the first few months I knew him because Bella was still incredibly skittish around him, but he finally won her over.

The four of us became incredibly close. We spent a few nights a week together over either Ed's supper table or Ali's, and at least one night every weekend we spent playing cards and drinking wine until the wee hours.

Bella and I were both initially worried about how Jeremy would take our relationships with Ed and Ali, but we shouldn't have been. He already loved Bella and was quick to hop on the bandwagon of telling her she should give Ed a chance. You haven't seen anything that truly qualifies as hilarious until you've seen a small kid trying to hook his daddy up with a pretty girl. Jeremy eyed me warily the first few times I came for supper but he quickly warmed up to me and told me he liked how his mama always smiled and sang around the house after I visited.

I tapped Ed on the shoulder, "May I cut in?"

He stepped back and gave me Ali's hand.

"Did Bella happen to say anything to you about maybe picking a date, Jazz? This is killing me."

"She doesn't want a big weddin', Bro. She wants Vegas."

Alice scowled over towards Bella, "Stubborn woman! She didn't have a big wedding when she married Jake either. You'd think she would want the whole spectacle this time."

I thought back on the simple wedding pictures Bella had shown me once, and made a mental connection. I slapped myself in the forehead for not putting this together sooner.

"Ali, you know I didn't want a big weddin' either, right? You know the only reason I gave in was because I've never been married before and my _family_ wanted it. My mama begged me to have a church ceremony when I told her we were thinkin' of just going somewhere for a long weekend."

"So?"

Edward cut in with horrified realization dawning on his face, "So… Bella doesn't have any family left, Ali. Her dad, Billy, Jake… they were her only family. She's definitely not going to invite the twins to her wedding. She hasn't made many friends since she moved to Seattle, she doesn't have any clue where her mother is, and Charlie is gone."

Ed walked over to the table where Jeremy and Bella were sitting and pulled her up into his arms, whispering in her ear. We turned to face each other and I smiled down at Ali as I placed a hand at her waist.

"Dance with me, Mrs. Whitlock?"

"I feel like such a terrible friend, Jazz! I've been pressuring her for months because Ed wanted a big wedding, and never even thought there might be a good reason why she didn't…"

"Don't you fret, Sugar. Ed'll do whatever it takes to make her happy, you know that."

She snuggled into my shoulder with a giggle and I marveled once again at her ability to chance topics at lightning speed. "Mmmm, you're right. Let's not worry about Ed and Bella anymore, Jazz. There's only one person I'm worried about making happy tonight."

I pulled her tighter against my body and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I'm hopin' that one person is me."

She gave me a seductive smile and led me off the floor. "Let's say goodbye to Jeremy and get out of here, Jazz."

"Lead the way, Darlin'. I'll follow you anywhere."

Chapter End Notes:

Edward's side of the story is up next...


	2. Chapter 2

Once again, not mine. Not in any reality. I'm still pouting, but it won't change things. I also don't own American Beauty… unless you count my DVD copy.

**Edward ~ Implosion**

I woke to the muffled tone of my cell ringing… somewhere. I didn't want it to wake Yorkie, so I rolled off of the bed and started digging through the massive piles of crap we had laying around. I finally found it buried under my chem text and the robe my incredibly weird roommate had come back to our room wearing the previous night; I really didn't want to know.

"Shut your fucking phone up, Cullen! It's only noon, for God's sake!"

It had already gone to voicemail by the time I unearthed it, so I kicked Yorkie's bed and told him to get his shit back on his side. Our room was already your typical male pigsty; I didn't need to lose anything in the vortex created by his weird role play costumes on top of that.

I looked at the missed call and cursed. It was Ali. We'd been really awkward around each other the last few weeks, despite our promises to not let things get weird. I'd held out hope briefly that we'd just fallen asleep naked for some obscure, drunken reason, but the small smear of blood on my sheets disabused me of that notion pretty quickly.

I flopped back down on my bed and hit redial, hoping she just wanted to check in. I wasn't really sure I wanted to hang out again until I had a firm handle on what happened between us.

"Hello?" Oh shit, she was crying.

"Ali? What's wrong?"

"Ed… I'm sitting outside of McMahon now. I need to talk to you."

Fuck! Stall…

"Um, I had a pretty late night and I just woke up when you called. Can we do this later?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen… you come down here and talk to me _now_!"

The line cut out and I stared at the phone with dread. I couldn't even remember the last time Ali referred to me as Edward. She started calling me Ed years ago to annoy me because I wouldn't quit calling her Mary when she decided she wanted to go by Alice. It stuck, and she was the only person I would answer if they used a shortened form of my name.

I scrubbed my hands over my face and grabbed the first pair of sweats that came to hand; they might not have been mine. Yorkie and I usually made a laundry trek every other week and we were getting close to time. It was every man for himself at this point when it came to wearable clothing.

I dragged on a t-shirt and jogged out of the room, not even bothering with shoes or a cap to hide my bed-head. She was pissed, and I wasn't stupid enough to keep her waiting right now.

I saw her sitting on a bench outside of the hall and stopped. She was hunched over and she looked horrible. Ali never set foot in public without being dressed to the nines and perfectly made up, so this bedraggled woman honestly frightened me.

I sat next to her and dropped an arm over her shoulder, afraid she might have received bad news from home. I knew her grandma's health hadn't been all that great recently, and Ali was very close to her.

"Ali, what's going on?"

She looked at me blankly though her teary eyes for a moment, and then started laughing hysterically. I had no idea how to react other than to hug her. I'd known this girl forever and she never freaked out like this, but she was having a mental breakdown in my arms in front of my dorm while curious onlookers blatantly stared at us. I glared at a few of the idiots standing around and pulled Ali into my lap so I could tuck her head against my shoulder.

"I don't read minds, Sweets; you've got to tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me! How can I help?"

"You know a few weeks ago when we woke up together?"

My blood froze. I suddenly had a very bad feeling that I knew exactly what she was going to tell me, but I tried to play it off.

"Yeah. No regrets, right? We're still cool. We've hung out since then."

"You never found a condom wrapper."

"We were both virgins, Ali. There was no way we could have given each other any diseases."

"I know that, but…"

"Please… tell me it's not what I'm thinking."

The hysteria faded into a serious look that scared me even more than her breakdown had.

"Please, Ali. Tell me you aren't!"

"I just came from the clinic. I'm pregnant. I'm sorry, Ed."

I hugged her again, feeling the shock settling into me. I was afraid if I let go of her that I would become hysterical, and neither of us needed that at the moment.

"Not your fault, Ali. Neither one of us was coherent enough to know what we were doing."

She started sobbing against my shoulder again, "What am I going to do, Ed? My parents will be so disappointed and I don't know how I'll raise a baby and finish school and…"

"Hey! This isn't just on you."

"I don't expect anything from you, Ed. I just thought you needed to know."

I tipped her face up until she met my eyes, "I'm not one of those losers who doesn't care about leaving his kid with no dad, Ali. When are you seeing an actual OB? I'd like to go with you."

"Two weeks, I think. The appointment card is back in my room."

"Have you eaten?"

She shook her head and I stood. "C'mon. Let's run up so I can grab my wallet and some shoes, then I'll feed you."

Lunch was a monumentally silent affair, what with both of us lost in our thoughts, but I made sure she ate plenty. I didn't want her to get sick over this. I dropped her off at her dorm after we ate with a promise to come back that night when we'd both had a chance to calm down so we could talk.

I didn't know what there really was to talk about. I basically only had two options: I could become one of the douche bags who didn't care about the girl he knocked up and the kid he abandoned… or I could do the right thing.

I arrived back at my dorm room to see that Yorkie had gathered up all of his laundry and cleaned his side of the room. I spent a little time doing the same and letting my brain race back and forth over what I was about to do. I knew I wasn't in love with Ali, but I was incredibly fond of her. Neither of us intended to sleep together, let alone for her to become pregnant, but there wasn't much to be done about it now. I wasn't going to let her do this alone.

With my side of the room respectable again, I headed for the shower. Once I was clean, dressed, and somewhat rational, I headed out for my car so I could drive over to University Village for some quick shopping.

An hour and a half later, I knocked on her door. She pulled it open, still looking a little blotchy from another recent cry-fest.

"Can I come in, Ali?"

She stood aside and allowed me to enter her room. Her roommate wasn't in, which I was thankful for. This was between the two of us.

"Tanya won't be back for a while, right?"

"She went home for the weekend."

I sat on Ali's bed and motioned her to join me. I was desperately scrambling for words in my head, praying I wouldn't say the exact wrong thing and get my ass kicked.

"Ali, we've known each other our whole lives, right?"

She nodded and I saw curiosity starting to dominate her face.

"You have always been one of my closest friends. Now, I'm hoping you'll be my wife."

"What? Ed…"

"We can do this. We can finish school and give our baby a good life. I know our parents will help us out with child care if we need it, and they have on-campus care centers for students with children."

"Ed, I don't even know what to say…"

I pulled the box out of my pocket and opened it. "Say you'll marry me, Ali."

I couldn't bring myself to get down on my knee before her. I had planned to, but I just couldn't do it. My chest was tight, and I convinced myself it was because I was nervous that she would say no. In the back of my mind I knew better, but my drunken stupidity placed this course before me and I would see it through.

She finally nodded, and I placed the small ring on her finger before leaning over and giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"You'll see, Ali. Everything will work out."

**Realizations Suck ~ 5 years later**

I'd fallen into a comfortable rut over the past five years, and steadfastly refused to see it for what it was. We didn't have much of a sex life, which I had to admit was mostly my choice. As much as I loved Ali, and I truly did even if I wasn't in love with her, I really didn't want a sex life with her. It was awkward for me when we were together that way, and I spent quite a bit of time mentally torturing myself trying to figure out why the admittedly beautiful woman who shared my bed just didn't turn me on.

Then Ali came home one night several months ago talking about a new client she had a good feeling about—a young widow who'd moved to Seattle to escape painful memories and wanted her condo remodeled and decorated. For the next several weeks, her chatter consisted of her client: what a nice girl she was, how pretty, so sad she was widowed so young, how lonely she seemed.

A couple of weeks after Ali completed the job, our elderly neighbor passed on. She was our babysitter, and Jeremy loved her like a third grandmother. On top of trying to comfort our grieving son and help her family sort things out so they could sell her house, we were scrambling to find reliable child care.

Ali remembered her former client saying that she used to babysit a lot before moving to Seattle, so she called her and explained our situation. Ali put her on speaker so we could both talk to her, and I was introduced for the first time to Bella Black.

Now, I felt like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. I was only twenty-six and already the best part of my day was the ten minutes I spent in the shower beating off. Fortunately, my wife wasn't a psycho mega-bitch like Annette Benning's character and my son obviously wasn't a whiny teenaged girl obsessed with boob jobs. Other than that, I definitely identified with Lester Burnham.

The bathtub and rose petals fantasy? Yeah… everyday. Only it wasn't Mena Suvari saying she needed a bath in my head. No, that honor would go to our current babysitter.

From the moment I heard her voice, I felt a curious draw toward her. The first time I saw her, I knew I was in serious trouble. I absolutely would not cheat on Ali, but after meeting Bella in person I didn't have to torture myself wondering if I was secretly gay or asexual any longer.

It shocked me, the overwhelming physical response I had to this girl. I was married to a woman with the toned figure of a disciplined runner, and the features of a top super model. Ali was never less than flawless, and men stared at her shamelessly everywhere we went, but this simple girl with her careless ponytail, lack of make up, and soft curves undid me.

I didn't mean to start fantasizing about Bella since it couldn't go anywhere, but one morning in the shower I lost the mental image of a generic blond model I'd seen in a porno. Instead of the garish red lipstick and fake nails I normally envisioned, I ended up imaging Bella's pouty pink lips and delicate hands pleasuring me.

It was the most intense orgasm I'd ever had, and I immediately felt insanely guilty. Imagining some random skin-flick actress I didn't know in real life didn't feel like cheating to me; imagining a flesh and blood woman did, especially when that flesh and blood woman was an acquaintance of my wife's. I resolved not to think of Bella like that again, and at the time I meant it.

Unfortunately for my resolve, Ali was in one of her rare frisky moods that night. I didn't feel like I could gracefully decline her request, and as often happened when I had sex with my wife, my brain started wandering. It wandered straight to Bella before I could even try to stop it from happening. Picturing myself in bed with Bella let something loose in me and it was by far the most satisfying sexual experience of my life.

I lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. Ali was cuddled up next to me with her arm thrown across my chest, but I was wishing for brown curls tangled across the pillows and the feel of a softer body pressed to my own. For the first time since the day I proposed, I allowed myself to wonder if I'd really done the right thing after all…

**We All Fall Down ~ 9 months later**

We'd just returned home from the annual bore-fest my mother termed a hospital benefit and Ali was getting Jeremy put to bed. I was faced with leaving Bella on the floor and knowing she would be uncomfortable, or moving her and putting my own sanity at risk by willingly touching her.

I'd been fantasizing solely about this woman for close to a year. Waking or sleeping, hers was the only face and body I really saw. I didn't even bother making excuses or feeling guilty about it anymore, although at first I tried convincing myself it was purely a physical gratification thing. That didn't last long. The more I got to know her, the more I genuinely liked her. I was pretty sure if I allowed myself, I could fall in love with her, and that way lay madness considering I was already married.

A frown marred her sleeping features as she rolled onto some of Jeremy's Legos, and I knew I couldn't leave her down on the floor. I dropped to one knee to scoop her small form into my arms and she snuggled her head into my chest. My heart stuttered. Having this woman in my arms felt so perfect and it almost killed me to know I'd never feel that sense of rightness again.

I hugged her to my chest tightly as I stood and barely resisted the urge to place a light kiss on her forehead before I turned to the couch. After laying her down, I pulled a quilt over her before smoothing the hair back off of her forehead. I traced my thumb lightly down her cheek and she smiled softly before turning her face into my hand.

Once she'd snuggled back into the pillows, I turned away from her. The urge to lie beside her was overpowering and the ache in my chest was becoming stronger every second I ignored it. I finally shook my head and started cleaning up the Lego mess, trying to forget the silken feel of her skin under my fingers.

After the toys were all picked up I headed down the hallway to the bedroom, hoping Ali would already be asleep. If she was still awake she'd cuddle into me, and I really didn't know how I would handle a woman other than Bella pressed against my body when my heart was screaming for her so insistently.

I entered my bedroom to find my wife at her vanity, meticulously removing her jewelry and make up. There was something off about her expression, but I couldn't really place what was wrong.

"Need anything before I pass out, Ali?"

She looked at me intently for a moment, like she was searching my eyes from some cosmic truth.

"Can you unzip me, Ed?"

She stood and presented her back to me. I took the tiny zipper and ran it down the length of her gown before offering her a hand to steady herself while she stepped out of it.

What I saw when the satin slid down her body would have made any other man weep tears of gratitude, but I couldn't find it anywhere within myself to be excited by her bustier and tiny lace panties. Her eyes caught mine in the mirror looking for a reaction as she allowed her gown to fall away, so I leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head before telling her how beautiful she'd looked that night.

She smiled at me before scooping up the puddle of satin and heading for her closet. I took the opportunity to strip out of my suit. After hanging it up and putting my shirt in the pile of things for the dry cleaners, I stumbled over to the bed and crawled in.

Exhaustion overwhelmed me and I drifted off to my dreams where the woman I was quickly coming to love waited for me.

**House of Cards ~ 2 months later**

I couldn't believe what was happening. I came home from a shitty twenty hour shift, only to walk in to my wife saying she was leaving me. Ali was holding out the original box her engagement ring was in all those years ago. I shot a quick glance at her left hand and saw her wedding band was also absent.

_God, I know this is my fault, and I swear I will do better by her. Please don't let her take my son away from me!_

"Please… don't do this, Ali. I can do better, I swear I can. And I do love you!"

"I love you, too. But I'm not in love with you. I'm not willing to live the rest of my life wondering how it feels to be madly in love. I'm not willing to be the woman you only turn to when the physical itch gets to you. I'm not willing to feel like I have to beg my husband for sex if I'm in the mood. We never should have married in the first place, Ed; you know it as well as I do. If you love me at all… let me go."

"I can't change your mind?"

"No. I'll be completely moved out by the time I need to get Jeremy from your mom's tomorrow. I'll keep him until you finish up the doubles, and then he can stay here while I do my week in Portland."

Tomorrow? She was planning to have my son away from me by tomorrow? I'd never in my entire life wanted to physically harm a female, but I wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled right then. She wasn't even planning on the two of us sitting down to discuss this with our son, and she already had his time divided up in her head? I clenched my jaw, trying to hold in my rage.

"So I'm already reduced to only seeing my son 2 weeks a month?"

"No, Ed."

Did she just… She did! She rolled her eyes at me!

"You can come over and see him every day if you want. I told you, I want us to still be friends. It'll take a little time to get back to how we were before we got married, but I know we can do it."

I slumped down on to the couch, massacring my hair brutally all the while.

I felt the cushion dip as Ali sat next to me.

"Don't leave, Ali. I don't want you to go."

"You don't want _Jeremy_ to go, but Ed… he's only going to be a few doors down. You really can come over whenever you want to see him."

I looked up into her violet eyes hoping to see some indecision, but there was none.

"What can I do to prove I don't want _you_ to leave, Ali?"

I saw a few emotions flicker across her face before it settled into a hard expression. Her eyes were bleak and pained, but her jaw was set.

"You can get down on your knee right now, and offer me that ring back. You can tell me that I am the love of your life, and that you will never love another woman more than you love me. If you can't do that while maintaining direct eye contact with me, then there is nothing left for us to discuss, Edward."

I knew a challenge when I heard it, and I hadn't turned my back on one in twenty-seven years. I gathered my determination and picked up the box containing her rings. I opened it and looked at the small diamond I'd given her back in college. I offered to replace it with something larger last year for our fifth anniversary, but she'd declined.

I took a deep breath before lowering myself to one knee in front of my wife, deeply aware of how wrong it felt and remembering how I couldn't bring myself to do this when I initially proposed to her.

My gaze was fixed on her shoes as I raised my hand to offer the ring to her. Just as I was going to say the words she wanted to hear I raised my eyes to meet hers… and I couldn't force the first syllable through my lips.

I tried again but when I attempted to force the words out, I saw Bella's doe eyes smiling back at me and my lungs tightened up. After a third unsuccessful attempt, I finally gave in and sat on the carpet at Ali's feet with tears blurring my vision.

"I can't. I'm sorry, Ali."

"I know, Ed. I'm sorry, too, but you needed to know you couldn't do it. I've already set myself up in the guest room for tonight, and I'll change the sheets for you before I leave tomorrow."

I placed the engagement ring back into the box and offered it to her.

"Keep the rings, Ali. You can give them to Jeremy later, or you can have other jewelry made from them."

"Keep them in your safe for me? I haven't put one in at my place yet."

I nodded and she walked down the hall to the guest room. I sat there for a long time wondering why my chest felt so much lighter than it had in years…

**Off Balance ~ 10 months later**

I stopped in the kitchen when I heard the voices out on my back patio.

"All right, Jeremy… homework all done?"

"Yes!"

"Bedroom all cleaned?"

"Yes!"

"Bed made?"

"Yes!"

"Did you practice the piano lesson you're supposed to know for tomorrow?"

"Yes! C'mon, Bella I did everything! PLEASE?"

I smiled to myself, liking how easily my son interacted with Bella. I hadn't made my presence known yet because I didn't want to watch the lighthearted smile fade from her expressive face.

"OK, then! Ice cream time!"

They dug into their snack and I was about to walk over to join them, when Jeremy asked her in a very serious voice, "Bella? Why don't you like my daddy anymore?"

Only my own curiosity kept me from going out and saving her from the conversation my son clearly wanted to have. He'd been less than subtle about wanting Bella to be my girlfriend ever since Ali started dating Jasper. I'd been less than subtle at first myself, but overt flirting from me basically sent her running the other way. The only reason I hadn't completely given up was the small spark I would occasionally see in her eyes when she thought I wasn't looking.

I saw shock spread across her face, "Oh, sweetie… I don't dislike your daddy! He's a very nice person."

"You used to laugh with him, and it would make him happy and he'd smile a lot like my mommy does when Jazz visits her. Now you don't, and when you leave he's sad."

"Oh, honey. It's just hard to explain, but I like your daddy. I really do."

"You should tell him that. I heard him telling mommy and Jazz he didn't think you liked him last night. He was really sad, Bella."

I cringed; if I'd known Jeremy was in listening distance I wouldn't have talked to Ali and Jasper about how Bella's avoidance of me was ripping a hole in my chest. Just my luck: busted by my seven year old… fantastic! Deciding it was time to face the music, I stepped through the sliding glass doors to join them on the patio.

"Hey, buddy! Were you good for Bella today?"

Two faces swung around to look at me. One wary, and one covered with chocolate ice cream.

"Daddy!"

I was hit in the legs by a torpedo cleverly disguised as a small child and ended up on my ass on the patio. I grabbed him and tickled him until he was begging for mercy, laughing at the musical sound of his little giggles and shrieks.

I felt her eyes on me, and my breath caught. I looked up to see her smiling down at us, clearly amused by my son getting the drop on me and using my white shirt as a place to smear his chocolaty hands and face as he'd wrestled to free himself from my tickles.

"Need help, Edward?"

I smiled because that was the first thing she'd voluntarily said to me in months.

"Can you get the munchkin off of me so I can go change?"

She leaned down to grab Jeremy, and then looked at me again.

"Bring me the shirt and tie and I'll try to scrub some of the chocolate out of them for you. Hopefully they can be saved."

I nodded and watched as she ably wrangled my son and the ice cream dishes into the house to get cleaned up.

I jogged into my bedroom and stripped out of my ruined clothes. I slid into a pair of jeans and went into my bathroom to scrub the mess off of my chest. Once I was no longer sticky, I walked back out into the bedroom intending to grab my shirt and tie when I heard a small gasp.

I looked up to see Bella in the hallway with her hand raised to knock on my open door. Her eyes were fixed on my chest and a beautiful blush covered her cheeks. I started toward her, hoping for once she wouldn't run away.

As soon as she realized I was moving, her eyes snapped up to meet mine. She looked like she wanted to run _from_ me and _to_ me at the same time. I kept my eyes locked on hers as I continued to walk toward her. Her hand came up to rest protectively against her throat, and I couldn't contain a small smirk when I heard her breathing accelerate.

She backed away as I came closer, until she was against the wall across from my bedroom door and I was caging her in with my arms planted above her shoulders. I leaned down to speak into her ear, only to hear her at the same time.

"Bella, please…"

"Edward, I don't…"

I shifted so I could use the first two fingers of my left hand to press lightly against her lips.

"Please, don't run from me anymore. Tell me you feel whatever this is, too."

Her eyes closed and her head fell back against the wall. I was afraid she was going to tell me she didn't feel anything, and that I needed to leave her alone. Her face had conflicting emotions running across it, and her normally expressive eyes were closed to me.

"Bella, please…"

I leaned in farther and rested my forehead against hers, hoping I wouldn't immediately be slapped for my forward behavior. Her small hand came up to pull against mine so that her lips were free. Without thinking I wrapped my hand around her hip and pulled her small frame against my own, relishing in the way her curves fit snugly against the hard planes of my own body. She moved so her chin was resting against my shoulder and I could feel her warm breath feathering my ear.

"I'm scared, Edward. I don't want to take a chance only to be hurt again."

"Nobody can guarantee tomorrow, Bella. Not me, not you. All I can promise is that I will be here for you for the rest of my life, however long that may be."

"I know, but sometimes the thought of moving on without him feels so disloyal…"

I pulled back slightly and tilted her head up so our eyes met.

"He would want you to be happy. So would your dad and your father-in-law. None of them would fault you for living, Bella."

I saw the tears welling in her eyes and gathered her completely into my arms. "Please don't cry, sweetheart. I'll leave you alone if that's what you truly want, just don't cry. My heart can't bear it."

Her arms wrapped around my neck and her breath puffed against my ear again.

"I don't want that."

"What do you want?"

Her fingers slid up from my neck to thread through my hair and I shuddered at the touch, tightening my arms around her waist. She pulled back just a bit so that I could feel her cheek resting against my own, before her head turned slowly and her lips brushed the corner of my mouth.

"I want you, Edward."

I groaned as I turned my head to capture her lips completely. I felt her moan against my lips and I took advantage of her open mouth to slide my tongue against hers. Her breath caught and I pulled my lips from hers to trail soft kisses along her jaw, giving her a chance to inhale freely.

"Stay with me tonight?"

"What about Jeremy?"

"He already loves you; he wouldn't care if you moved in tomorrow. Stay?"

She nodded and laid her head against my chest, snuggling into me like she had the night I finally admitted to myself that I was falling in love with her.

**Bella ~ 2 years later**

"Jeremy?"

My step-son walked into the bedroom but wouldn't approach the bathroom where I was huddled. Not that I blamed the poor kid; I wouldn't want to be around a puking woman either.

"Yeah? What'cha need, Mom-too?"

Even in my misery, I still smiled every time he called me that. He was starting to outgrow it, so I cherished it while I had the chance. After I married Edward, Jeremy started introducing me as his mom. We both tried to dissuade him from doing so, not wanting to step on Ali's mom-toes, but in his childish innocence he got all huffy and said that I was his mom, too. He sometimes referred to Jazz as Dad-too, but not often.

"Can you run down to your mom's and see if she has any more of those nausea pops, honey? I'm out and I need to get out of this bathroom at some point today."

"Be right back!"

I hear him thundering through the hall and the slam of the door as he ran out. A few minutes later I heard the door open and hoped Jeremy was back with sweet relief for me.

"Jeremy?"

I heard the bathroom door start to swing open. "No, it's me. Are you OK, baby?"

"No. Whichever man coined the horrible misnomer "morning" sickness and spread the insidious lie that it's over after the first trimester needs to be taken out and strung up by his balls!"

I heard the front door slam again just as I was overcome by another wave of nausea.

Apparently, males are of the opinion that women are unable to hear while they're vomiting for some odd reason, because my normally sympathetic husband and normally sweet step-son were discussing me like I wasn't in the next room.

"Dad, mom didn't have those things Bella wanted. You tell her—she's been really grumpy today!"

"Women are unpredictable animals when they're pregnant, son. Get used to it now."

"It's gonna be miserable having them both knocked up at the same time, isn't it, dad?"

I stuck my head out the bathroom door and gave them both an evil eye.

"Exactly who taught you the phrase "knocked up," Jeremy Alexander Cullen? And why do you two think I can't hear you?"

Both of their eyes widened with fear, and Jeremy began frantically pointing at my husband, who was just as frantically shaking his head and pointing in the direction of Ali and Jasper's house. If I wasn't so miserable, I would have been laughing my ass off. Males are so predictable in the face of a pregnant woman's fury, even nine year old males.

My phone rang and with one final glare I retreated to my bathroom sanctuary.

"Hey, Ali… guess what your son just said?"

"Oh Lord, what now? He's only _my_ son when you're annoyed with him, Bells."

"He said that it's going to be miserable having us both knocked up at the same time."

"WHAT! JASPER!"

"I'm not sure if it was Jasper or not. Jeremy was getting ready to toss Edward under the bus, and Edward was just as strenuously attempting to blame Jasper when my phone rang."

"You know… it's kind of funny, Bells."

"I know, but I'm not telling them that. I'm carrying the snit for awhile."

"How long should we act annoyed about this so they'll tiptoe around us and cater to our whims?"

"Until our bladders are no longer doubling as trampolines, Ali."

"Well, I called to say that Jazz brought me more Preggie Pops when he came home a minute ago, so send Jeremy back for yours. I'm gonna go lie down. My back is killing me."

"Will do. See you Wednesday for yoga if we're not stuck in our respective bathrooms."

I relayed Ali's message through the door in my most cranky voice, hoping Edward would understand I expected them to move with a quickness. I heard the front door slam yet again and guessed that Jeremy had just been sent for my lollies.

The bathroom door cracked open and Edward shuffled in, looking a little afraid of his reception. He had ginger ale and soda crackers with him, so I decided to let him live a little longer. He gave me my snack and sat on the other side of the vanity so he could pull my feet into his lap to massage them for me.

"I'm sorry, baby. If I'd known this was going to be so hard on you…"

"What? You would have refused to have children with me? Quit being so emo; you're not the one who can't keep water down without the aid of a sucker."

He sighed and ran his hand through his already mussed hair. "I know. I just hate seeing you miserable, baby."

"I will survive this. Women have been doing this for thousands of years. Besides, Eleazar said if I'd lost any more weight at my next appointment he'd prescribe Phenergan. I know I've lost a few pounds."

Eleazar Denali was recommended to me by Carlisle, and he was a true godsend. He kept Edward's pushy doctor tendencies in check regarding my pre-natal care, and he kept my first-time mom nerves at bay by giving me concise advice and keeping things easy for a non-medical person to understand. He was also Ali's doctor, and had convinced the both of us to sign up for the twice weekly prenatal yoga class that his wife, Carmen, ran at the hospital. Neither of us missed a single class until Ali's sciatica started acting up. She still went on days her back wasn't hurting too badly, and she swore we'd both be thankful to be a little more limber during delivery.

Jeremy's head warily popped through the door. When he saw that I wasn't throwing up at that particular moment he stepped in to hand me an entire box of sour fruit Preggie Pops. I'm not ashamed to admit that I squealed like a little kid on Christmas morning when I saw them, and I wasted no time getting one into my mouth.

He picked up my brush and perched on the edge of the tub behind me. After pulling the scrunchie out of my hair, he started gently detangling the whole mess.

"I'm sorry I was an insensitive male, Mom-too. Mom told me I needed to strap a watermelon on my tummy and walk around with the stomach flu for months on end to understand how you guys feel right now. She also said dad and Jazz suck and that they should be cut off. I don't know what she wanted to cut off of them, but Jazz looked scared when she said it, so I guess it's not good."

I heard Edward choke a little before muttering about evil little pixies. I chuckled under my breath before answering.

"It's OK, Jeremy. You'll do better if you remember not to repeat what your father and Jasper have to say. They'll just end up getting you in trouble."

We sat in companionable silence for a while. Jeremy smoothing through my hair, Edward rubbing my swollen feet, and I was concentrating on gaining control of my stomach.

"Bella?"

"Hmm? What, sweetie?"

"What are you naming the baby?"

My eyes caught Edward's, but he looked just as surprised as I was.

"Well, your dad and I haven't decided yet. Why?"

"Mom said her and Jazz named my brother. His name is gonna be Brandon, cause that used to be mom's last name, and I know you're having a girl… You're not gonna name her Black, right?"

I laughed softly as his assumption. "No, sweetie, I'm not naming the baby 'Black.' Your mom picked Brandon because it's her dad's last name. My dad's last name was Swan, and I'm definitely not naming a baby 'Swan.'"

"OK. Can I go back to mom's for tonight? Jazz just got a new Xbox game and I wanna play with him after dinner. Mom said it was fine if you guys didn't mind."

I looked at Edward and quirked my eyebrow, letting him know this one was up to him and he nodded slightly.

"Is your room picked up and your bed made?"

"Yup."

"Chores done?"

"Uh huh."

"Did you practice your piano lesson?"

"Yes."

"Well, then I guess you can spend the night with your mom and Jazz if you want to. You have to be back here by eleven tomorrow morning though; Mrs. Cheney is coming for piano tomorrow instead of Wednesday this week, remember?"

I heard the clink of Jeremy setting my brush down and his little hands sifted through my hair, separating it out to braid for me.

"You don't have to braid it sweetie. Thanks, though."

"Dad can't and I won't be here tonight if you need it done later."

Ali taught Jeremy to braid my hair years ago. When we were both still single, she'd french-braid it for me while we were drinking wine and having girl talk. Jeremy was fascinated with the process and begged her to show him how. I attributed his skill to his years of piano lessons.

He was done a few minutes later and said he was off to grab his extra controller. I listened as he bumped around in the den for a minute before the door was slamming one final time. Edward smiled at me and stood before leaning down to help me to my feet.

"Do you hear that, baby?"

I listened for a minute. "Umm… no. What am I listening to?"

"The silence. A whole night's worth and that is going to get incredibly rare here in a month or so."

"Hmmm, is that so?"

He nodded and shuddered as I ran my hands up and down his chest slowly.

"Then we should probably take advantage of it while it lasts. My stomach is feeling much better now; why don't you join me in the tub?"


End file.
